Jesus, where to start with this. I guess I’ll just begin at
the beginning and we’ll see how we go. Alright, so, back story, you who know me
may know that I’ve had a checked history with drugs, sometimes I’ve loved them
and sometimes I’ve hated them, but they have always, in some way or another,
been part of my life. So I’ve always been upset when I take what should be a
fun thing and it turns out to be a negative experience, and it’s not like I
mean bad times just bad vibes and awful jaw clenching. I’ve always wanted to
love acid and the few times that I’ve tried it it’s like there’s been something
missing. Something that I have always dreamed of doing but have always been too
afraid and never had the opportunity to do was going to the zoo on acid. Today
I was lucky enough to live that dream.
So it went like this, a good friend of mine whom I can’t say
too much about organised a day at the zoo. They came over, we got stoned, we
got a train to the zoo and on that train we ingested half a tab of LSD each,
then we loitered in the zoo car park and smoked a joint and then we went in.
There was kids. There was people. It was fine. We saw the
big cats, it was cool, they were big, we saw the small cats, it was cool, they
were pretty, we saw some pelicans and then we went into the undergroundy type
seal chamber and things started to get a bit interesting. Colours were nice,
the seals looked amazing as they glided through the water and I was
particularly taken with the tank of sea horses. We walked out into the
sunlight. Alright, we said, it’s on.
We did some wandering, everything a lovely green, all the
plant life looking amazing, the brightly coloured birds like something out of a
fairy tale. We saw otters, tigers, we did the butterfly house which was lovely
but I took it all with such ease that I was beginning to wonder, should I take
more drugs? The answer, as expected, as hoped and as feared, was yes. I mean, I
was riding this out pretty well, this would just be a little more spice. And
it’s always the same thing with drugs, you have a little, wait a bit, think
‘This is not really doing anything, better have some more’ then two minutes
later your original dose hits you and then BAM! you realise you just fucked
yo' self. It was when we were in the giant aviary that it really started to hit
me, and it was also at this time that I recorded this message. By the time we were at the orang-utans
it was difficult to tell who was simian and who was human. I was definitely
less than human.
Then this whole next bit is sort of like a blur, let me try
and explain it. Imagine a train going into a tunnel right and you’re on the
front of the train. The wind is blowing in your face and you can’t see where
you’re going but your course is literally set on rails. Imagine that moment
just as you enter the tunnel, half bright half dark and the change in air
pressure around you. Imagine that feeling for about an hour while you look at
animals in cages and try to contain your ever mounting hysteria, the whole time
surrounded by strangers. I climbed in a replica wombat cave that kids are
allowed to play in and I swear I got lost in the damn thing. It was about a
meter long and dark as hell. We got really bad vibes from the emus that were
just walking around. Are you serious? Emus just walking around like it aint no
thang? Interacting? Don’t they know there’s people with heads full of acid
roaming these parts who are likely to be surprised, to say the least, when they
come face to face with one of these beasts? Have some care man and think of the
damn children.
Then I think we went looking for the bears and they are,
aha, barely worth a mention. Then we headed to the reptile bit which was
incredible but they were starting to close so we had to skeddadle. I could have
stared at those snakes for hours though. Also, do they have a spider section because
I would have loved to have seen it.
The thought of being packed into a tram terrified me so we
walked to the city and then got a cab home. I say it casually, ‘We walked to
the city’. We were tripping balls. Every step was its own adventure. We walked past the Royal Childrens
Hospital. Quite an impressive building, such wonderful colours. And the way it
subtly moves a bit also quite impressive. The stream of people coming home from their
jobs that we were walking against was also kind of daunting at times. Every now
and then I’d think to myself ‘Be careful now, these people aren’t like you’ and
I’d have to stifle the giggles. The closer we got to the city the more it
enforced my beliefs that hallucinogens are always best in a natural
environment, or at least, a concrete one that had been sculpted to look natural
with animals from all around the world stuck awkwardly in it.
The other real highlight was being shot in the face with a bubble gun that has the brightest fucking lights on it that you’ve ever seen. I swear, I can’t believe they sell this stuff to kids. It was staring into a multi-coloured sun. My retinas will never be the same. And if I could experience that very first moment that it happened I would bottle it up and sell that shit because it was fucking amazing. My friend was together enough to get some excellent photos and they are at the end of this post. I also watched a cloud turn into a fish and as it caught the last fading light of the sunset just so, looking for all the world like a salmon, flicking its tail and disappearing into the void, its scales rippling.
It truly was an incredible day and I couldn’t have done it without someone I trusted being there, so I thank you unnamed provider, for all the awesome things that you provided for me today. I’ll probably remember this day for the rest of my life, long after the scraps of my sanity have flown. My dim eyes will stare into nothing and I will smile, happy in my memories. I hope to see you there.
