One week in the life of the meek.

So i'm looking for a house at the moment. I tells ya, i'd rather be punching my face or stabbing my cock, looking for a house fucking sucks. Sharing, renting, you name it, it bites. Every ones all "Think of all the new people you'll meet" and i'm all "I'm too old for that shit". Fucketty fuck.

So in other news my faux-grandmother died the other day. I only met her a few times, she raised my mother but wasn't really "gran" to me. Which is ok, she didn't have to be. I feel more upset for my mother, when she rang me to tell me i had to pretend to cry on the phone so my mother wouldn't think i was a heartless arsehole. To tell you the truth, really i felt nothing.

So I have this thing, this, medical condition, called "Cluster headaches". They can be pretty debilitating, and i hate talking about it but i guess its nice to know why I disappear a few times a year and no one hears from me. They are difficult to describe, but its probably the most painful thing that i've encounted. Its like being punched in the eye, really hard, lots of times. They used to be called 'suicide headaches'. Now the call me their bitch. Go to the site and read some descriptions, or, youtube some footage of people having attacks. One of thew few things that i've found helps is pure oxygen. At the moment i have a 4100 litre bottle of O2 in my room, which ties in nicely to my obsession with medical ephemera. When i feel a headache coming on i put the mask on and breath deeply for about 20 minutes. It helps. Also, i have to sleep sitting up which is pretty wack. Did you know they don't make any chairs or anything for sleeping up right in? Get on it all my designer friends.

So i'm tired because i'm hardly sleeping and when i do it has to be sitting up, i'm in pain that i can't really escape and judging from my reaction to my mothers mother death, it turns out that i'm hollow inside. I really want to fuck my bosses wife too, you know, just though that i'd throw that in there because I figure i can't really get any more fucked up. Sometimes i feel like a caricature of someone that i wrote when i was really angry and sometimes i feel like i'm just taking the piss out of myself. You decide, i couldn't be fucked and i don't really care anyway.