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Area stoner attempts quirky Onion style article, fails.

Area Stoner Stab Cock recently attempted to write a piece in the style of hit counter-culture publication, The Onion, on what he describes as a "philosophical journey, through the eyes of a stoner, but funny like in the Onion" but fell well short of his goal and in his own words "fucked it completely."
Cock later said of the incident, "I had this great idea where I'd write this article in the style of an Onion article, but when I got down to it and actually started to write it, I realized my idea was cliche' and hackneyed. When I sat down and started typing, I saw that I wasn't being funny at all and everything I wrote sounded forced and weird."
Although Cock's as yet unread article may have indeed had some credit, Cock himself admitted that he got bogged down in his own "hypothetical pseudo-intellectual bullshit," and that the piece remained unfinished because he "couldn't be bothered trying to think the way out of this cluster fuck of an idea."
As yet Cock has no plans to finish the piece, but says that he might one day, if a better, more thoroughly formed and thought out idea doesn't come through.