Viewer discretion is advised. Basically girls in leggings. Rude. I'm really loving this look at the moment. They make ass look so good. SO GOOD! It's really making me crazy in fact. I had a girl in my work earlier who was making me bite down on my hand, her ass was that good. What is the saying? Ah yes, 'I'd eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from' and 'I'd crawl a mile across broken glass just to stick matchsticks in her shit' is another. Both have the word shit in them. Does that make them less complimentary? Sources are saying 'yes'.
I have enjoyed reading this website about eviction. What the fuck is in the water over there?
I had so many plans for this post. I had many insightful things to say, some great points about stuff and etc, but obviously, I actually have nothing. Here's a thing. I've been dreaming about sex a lot lately, but not the good sexy part, I have been dreaming about the intimacy that comes with sex. I dream of spooning. So fucked up. Being of average intelligence I am able to look at myself and see where my anxieties come from. It's like seeing a pile of dog shit, a dogs ass, and being able to put two and two together. It's genius.
I really don't like this chick. There is something rotten in the state of Denmark that she is one of the most popular adult entertainers. She specialises in constentual degradation. Personally, I don't think it's that special at all.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Something touching here.
Three frames. I like it. I follow William Gibson on twitter and its amazing how on to it that man is. This another of his recommendations.
This article. If they weren't teenagers I would care more. As they are governed by their hormones and over react at everything, they get no credit from me. And I know what you're thinking, "but you were a teenager once, and not just any teenager, one of the really annoying ones" to which I reply, "I know, that's why I feel I have the authority to call 'Bullshit' on them". Selfish little fuckers. I like how his dad appeals to them but they know whats right because they are teenagers. No wonder so many of them end up pregnant.
Then there is the article about Zuckerberg, the facebook founder. You know what? Nobody cares. I really have to stop reading The Age because the quality of journalism is almost worse than the Herald Sun. The Age is worse in general though, because it is all about appealing to the left wing neo-liberal hipsters and telling them how progressive they are and everyone else is falling behind. Fart sniffers the lot of them. Personally, I could not give a shit if Zuckerberg ate a koala. If anything, I'm jealous. I wonder what it tastes like? My guess is not very good, but I can only assume that the secret lies in how you cook it.
I remember having a lot more to say when I was thinking about this on the weekend. Turns out that no, I probably don't.
I'm looking at this website and I'm seeing all these pictures of people having fun. Pages and pages of happy faces. I feel really left out, like that if I were to die today and everyone was to go through my photos they would only find one of two pictures of me having fun. I don't know what it is at the moment, I just feel like I'm missing out on something. Life, for instance.
So I have been over 3 months without any alcohol now. It's kind of ok. I miss it incredibly. I really wish I could drink but it fucks with my headaches so hard that it's just not worth it. I spent 4 hours at a bar on Saturday night, but not just any bar, my favorite bar in all of Melbourne. Tasted one persons drink, a Negroni, which was prettier than it was tasty, but really, I guess that could be said about a lot of things. But it was hard, I tells you, it was hard to be there and not drink. Conversation seems to flow much easier for everyone. People are funnier. Lights seem cleaner and without the blur. Things don't seem so impossible with the fortification of alcohol. Ask yourself, when was the last time you got laid sober? It's such an ingrained part of our culture that its almost impossible to avoid.
And then it leads to violence because we are an angry young race with little or no self control. We are angry but we don't know why and we want to release these emotions but we don't know how. We are fucked and there's no saving us.
This article. If they weren't teenagers I would care more. As they are governed by their hormones and over react at everything, they get no credit from me. And I know what you're thinking, "but you were a teenager once, and not just any teenager, one of the really annoying ones" to which I reply, "I know, that's why I feel I have the authority to call 'Bullshit' on them". Selfish little fuckers. I like how his dad appeals to them but they know whats right because they are teenagers. No wonder so many of them end up pregnant.
Then there is the article about Zuckerberg, the facebook founder. You know what? Nobody cares. I really have to stop reading The Age because the quality of journalism is almost worse than the Herald Sun. The Age is worse in general though, because it is all about appealing to the left wing neo-liberal hipsters and telling them how progressive they are and everyone else is falling behind. Fart sniffers the lot of them. Personally, I could not give a shit if Zuckerberg ate a koala. If anything, I'm jealous. I wonder what it tastes like? My guess is not very good, but I can only assume that the secret lies in how you cook it.
I remember having a lot more to say when I was thinking about this on the weekend. Turns out that no, I probably don't.
I'm looking at this website and I'm seeing all these pictures of people having fun. Pages and pages of happy faces. I feel really left out, like that if I were to die today and everyone was to go through my photos they would only find one of two pictures of me having fun. I don't know what it is at the moment, I just feel like I'm missing out on something. Life, for instance.
So I have been over 3 months without any alcohol now. It's kind of ok. I miss it incredibly. I really wish I could drink but it fucks with my headaches so hard that it's just not worth it. I spent 4 hours at a bar on Saturday night, but not just any bar, my favorite bar in all of Melbourne. Tasted one persons drink, a Negroni, which was prettier than it was tasty, but really, I guess that could be said about a lot of things. But it was hard, I tells you, it was hard to be there and not drink. Conversation seems to flow much easier for everyone. People are funnier. Lights seem cleaner and without the blur. Things don't seem so impossible with the fortification of alcohol. Ask yourself, when was the last time you got laid sober? It's such an ingrained part of our culture that its almost impossible to avoid.
And then it leads to violence because we are an angry young race with little or no self control. We are angry but we don't know why and we want to release these emotions but we don't know how. We are fucked and there's no saving us.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Not just cheep laughs, weird ones too.
I don't know if you know this, but I don't laugh very often. I snicker, chuckle, chortle, but I hardly ever laugh. I'm not much of a laugher. I might watch an amusing program on television with some sort of semi retarded grin on my face, but that's just the pot talking. Generally, I don't find much to be very funny. I can remember the last time I had a really good laugh, and it was a while ago. I mean, I'm not this super grim misanthropist that scowls all the time (well...) but I'm not some hyena that laughs at the likes of Dane Cook or Robin Williams. I can't go to stand up comedy anymore because I don't laugh and it can be really off putting for the performers. That and I heckle. But anyway, some things do make me laugh, but they are mainly private things, my own jokes, things that I can look back on that will make me smile. To understand what I mean, let me explain.
Just near my house on my way to work there is a dead rat on the ground. He has gone from the decomposing stage (which I thankfully missed) to being leather stretched over bones, the "dry decay" stage, and if you are interested in the stages of decomposition, visit this helpful website. I like to refer to him as "My nigga on the rot", you know, so when I'm walking past I can say that 'I'm pouring a little out for my nigga on the rot'. Yes yes, we all hate the N-word but after years of listening to rap I no longer feel the stigma that most other guilty neo-liberal white males feel.
Anyway, he has been there so long that I have decided he is in desperate need of some love.
So I have been feeding him.
If I am walking past I drop of piece of whatever food I am eating at the time as near as his jaws as I can get. He has had some apple, some of my morning porridge and yesterday I found him a little sippy cup so that I can fill it with a beverage. In case he gets thirsty. He is, literally, as dry as a bone.
This makes me laugh. I am laughing right now. At many things, for instance, the image of me standing there pouring porridge onto a dead rats face whilst some neighbour peeks out from behind their curtains. Or the weird mis on scene that someone is confronted with when they walk past very dead rat surrounded by foodstuffs and a cup.
Oh I wish I had pictures to prove it. As they say on the internets, 'pics or it didn't happen'. I went past this morning and the grass was freshly mowed, all that was left was a very broken plastic cup. I can only imagine what happened to the rat. Goodbye my friend.
Also, I'd like to thank another friend of mine, a living one this time, for making the header that is now on this blog. I'd name and shame, but that's not how we play around here. But seriously, thank you. It is much appreciated. And so, this blog is dedicated to you. I've got nothing but love.
Just near my house on my way to work there is a dead rat on the ground. He has gone from the decomposing stage (which I thankfully missed) to being leather stretched over bones, the "dry decay" stage, and if you are interested in the stages of decomposition, visit this helpful website. I like to refer to him as "My nigga on the rot", you know, so when I'm walking past I can say that 'I'm pouring a little out for my nigga on the rot'. Yes yes, we all hate the N-word but after years of listening to rap I no longer feel the stigma that most other guilty neo-liberal white males feel.
Anyway, he has been there so long that I have decided he is in desperate need of some love.
So I have been feeding him.
If I am walking past I drop of piece of whatever food I am eating at the time as near as his jaws as I can get. He has had some apple, some of my morning porridge and yesterday I found him a little sippy cup so that I can fill it with a beverage. In case he gets thirsty. He is, literally, as dry as a bone.
This makes me laugh. I am laughing right now. At many things, for instance, the image of me standing there pouring porridge onto a dead rats face whilst some neighbour peeks out from behind their curtains. Or the weird mis on scene that someone is confronted with when they walk past very dead rat surrounded by foodstuffs and a cup.
Oh I wish I had pictures to prove it. As they say on the internets, 'pics or it didn't happen'. I went past this morning and the grass was freshly mowed, all that was left was a very broken plastic cup. I can only imagine what happened to the rat. Goodbye my friend.
Also, I'd like to thank another friend of mine, a living one this time, for making the header that is now on this blog. I'd name and shame, but that's not how we play around here. But seriously, thank you. It is much appreciated. And so, this blog is dedicated to you. I've got nothing but love.
Friday, August 21, 2009
I just had a thought.
But I'm not going to share it with you.
This is what sucks about going public with Stabface Punchcock, now everybody knows where as before I could hide behind the fact that no one knew this blog existed. Now if I post something here I have to deal with the fact that somebody might read it. As opposed to before when the chances of someone just stumbling on it were slim to none. That way I could write whatever I wanted about who ever I wanted with no repercussions. No longer. Maybe I just need to start keeping a diary that I burn at the end of each month, that way I could be safe from ever being found out. On the other hand, it doesn't help when I need to go back and read over my past entries to see where I've been because I honestly can't remember.
My memory is so shot at the moment that I was talking to a girl the other day... and thought it was someone else. I go to her cafe everyday. I see her minimum 4 times a week. Not as bad as the other night when I was at a dinner party and I asked if one of the guests had left, only to realise they were sitting next to me. There is no doubt in my mind that if I were to do one of those tests they would find that I am slightly brain damaged. 'One of those tests'. Great use of language there. Why is it that the cynical side of my brain is not dying as quick as the useful side?
So I am avoiding the issue at hand, which is weighing on me. I am going to deal with it the same way I deal with everything. Go home, smoke a load of weed and try and forget about it until I sober up tomorrow, at which point I will get lit and start the cycle over. My unflinching honesty is the best and the worst thing about me. Ask me and I will tell.
Actually, I probably won't. Do you remember that scene in Magnolia when William H Macy is in the bar and he's crying saying "I do have love. I have so much love to give. I could love someone."
I could love someone, you betcha. I could love them until we both died from it, that's how much I could love. All you have to give me is your permission, and it's yours.
This is what sucks about going public with Stabface Punchcock, now everybody knows where as before I could hide behind the fact that no one knew this blog existed. Now if I post something here I have to deal with the fact that somebody might read it. As opposed to before when the chances of someone just stumbling on it were slim to none. That way I could write whatever I wanted about who ever I wanted with no repercussions. No longer. Maybe I just need to start keeping a diary that I burn at the end of each month, that way I could be safe from ever being found out. On the other hand, it doesn't help when I need to go back and read over my past entries to see where I've been because I honestly can't remember.
My memory is so shot at the moment that I was talking to a girl the other day... and thought it was someone else. I go to her cafe everyday. I see her minimum 4 times a week. Not as bad as the other night when I was at a dinner party and I asked if one of the guests had left, only to realise they were sitting next to me. There is no doubt in my mind that if I were to do one of those tests they would find that I am slightly brain damaged. 'One of those tests'. Great use of language there. Why is it that the cynical side of my brain is not dying as quick as the useful side?
So I am avoiding the issue at hand, which is weighing on me. I am going to deal with it the same way I deal with everything. Go home, smoke a load of weed and try and forget about it until I sober up tomorrow, at which point I will get lit and start the cycle over. My unflinching honesty is the best and the worst thing about me. Ask me and I will tell.
Actually, I probably won't. Do you remember that scene in Magnolia when William H Macy is in the bar and he's crying saying "I do have love. I have so much love to give. I could love someone."
I could love someone, you betcha. I could love them until we both died from it, that's how much I could love. All you have to give me is your permission, and it's yours.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
In and around my mouth
I <3 food. I super heart food at the moment. I never used to but something in me snapped and I decided 'I'm going to eat like a mother fucker' and watch me now, I am. Last night I cooked pancakes with bacon, eggs and maple syrup, aka, Canadian pancakes. I have never cooked pancakes in my life but last night I manned up, got really stoned, and threw myself into it.
For lack of a better term, they were perfect. The bacon was crispy, the eggs, sunny side up, were runny, the pancakes, immaculate. I could not resist and at the end made a bacon face with egg eyes. My housemate was in the shower and there was no one else around and alas, I have not a camera so you'll just have to believe me when I say it looked amazing. Surprisingly, as this almost never happens, it tasted as good as it looked. Fuck yeah! Go me!
Awesome . I love how sometimes the world just won't quit being an interesting place.
So one of the many things I forgot to mention is how both of the parties I went to on the weekend were catered. This is what I like about getting older. Sure, everyone was on the sauce and whatever else they could find, but there was an air of sophistication around it, there were trays of warm nibbles and it was how I want all my parties to be in the future. This is how being at these parties made me feel.
So as mentioned yesterday, I am one week sans headaches. This is good. I am happy. Still waiting for something bad to happen but I think I may be on my way to not having ridiculous headaches anymore. Well, for the next few month at least. I would love to celebrate with a drink but its just not going to happen. Damn it. So that's 3 months of suck down, I wonder how long until the next time?
Now that I am free for a little while though, time to start getting my life back on track. I would like to take some time off work and perhaps visit a friend interstate. You know, do nice stuff that I have been meaning to do for a while. It's funny you know, when I'm mid cycle of headaches, I can't plan ahead because, to me, there is no future without pain when I am post cycle it seems that there are not enough options in the world because I plan to do all of them. Does that make sense?
For lack of a better term, they were perfect. The bacon was crispy, the eggs, sunny side up, were runny, the pancakes, immaculate. I could not resist and at the end made a bacon face with egg eyes. My housemate was in the shower and there was no one else around and alas, I have not a camera so you'll just have to believe me when I say it looked amazing. Surprisingly, as this almost never happens, it tasted as good as it looked. Fuck yeah! Go me!
Awesome . I love how sometimes the world just won't quit being an interesting place.
So one of the many things I forgot to mention is how both of the parties I went to on the weekend were catered. This is what I like about getting older. Sure, everyone was on the sauce and whatever else they could find, but there was an air of sophistication around it, there were trays of warm nibbles and it was how I want all my parties to be in the future. This is how being at these parties made me feel.
So as mentioned yesterday, I am one week sans headaches. This is good. I am happy. Still waiting for something bad to happen but I think I may be on my way to not having ridiculous headaches anymore. Well, for the next few month at least. I would love to celebrate with a drink but its just not going to happen. Damn it. So that's 3 months of suck down, I wonder how long until the next time?
Now that I am free for a little while though, time to start getting my life back on track. I would like to take some time off work and perhaps visit a friend interstate. You know, do nice stuff that I have been meaning to do for a while. It's funny you know, when I'm mid cycle of headaches, I can't plan ahead because, to me, there is no future without pain when I am post cycle it seems that there are not enough options in the world because I plan to do all of them. Does that make sense?
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Over compensating for something.
I am so hungry for woman at the moment, it's crazy. I spent yesterday watching some James Bond films and mostly all that I got out of it was an erection. Have you seen "You only live twice"? Do you know the Japanese girl in it, the one that he storms the mountain with? No? Well I love her. I don't know why, but I do. Also, I just spent a few minutes cruising that site and now I wish I hadn't. Too many beautiful girls, not enough of them are naked and around me. Which I have decided makes today suck.
I went to two thirtieth birthdays on the weekend. They were both lots of fun, though at one I got told off for changing the uber generic dance music to something a little more, well, good. I totally don't care, but the girl who told me off was the most generic of the generic, blond, blue eyes, pretty, I'll give you that, but pretty boring. I put on Major Lazer which is guaranteed to get the party started but she came and took it off. I left not long after. Also, I was going to chuck a link in here with a picture of a blond girl but without safe search its all just porn. Pretty boring porn too.
The other party was lots of fun too, even though I am not drinking at the moment, I got behind the bar and had a turn. Nyah, my drinks were ok, nothing special. There was SO much booze it was amazing. Like, crazy. I wonder if it lasted all night. I left at about 2ish and got a cab ride home. And it was fucked; here's why.
So I jump in this cab, normal taxi driver, nothing out of the ordinary. Driving from the party to my house though, was quite the experience. We were driving along Punt road and I realised that the cabbie was speeding up then slowing down then speeding up again, not smooth driving at all. He was also drifting lanes a little bit, nothing too scary but enough for me to think "Has this guy actually driven a car before?" We hit Victoria st and that's when things start going a little wack. Firstly, he is having these weird breathing things, like he's struggling for breath, but they all end with a little burp. I'm not stranger to internal combustion, hell, I'm the guy that sounds like he has, and I quote, "Aliens fucking inside me" but this dude appeared to be in some serious trouble. Also, he was braking at what appeared to be random moments and very nearly ran a red light. He then slowed almost to a complete stop and I had to wake him up because he had fallen asleep or passed out, one of the two. I was like "are you ok?" and he mumbled something and said he was fine. I made it home alive and actually ended up tipping the guy. My fare was $21.90 and I gave him $25. What for? Almost killing me? What the hell was I compensating for? Imagine what I would have done had he crashed, probably sucked his dick or something.
Just had to help an UBER cute girl out of a dress that had broken. The only woman I have touched in yonks, and I am freeing her. If I were to see the personification of my life out in the street, as in, if I were to see my life walking around, you know, being a jerk, fucking with me, I would punch him in his stupid face. "Oh yeah, send a beautiful woman into my store will you? Get her stuck in a dress yeah? Make it so awkward that she basically runs out afterwards because she is so embarrassed, taking the chances of me ever seeing her again from slim to none? Take THAT you asshole".
One week without a headache. Now that I have jinxed it I will probably have an aneurysm tonight but it's my own stupid fault for mentioning something good happening to me.
I went to two thirtieth birthdays on the weekend. They were both lots of fun, though at one I got told off for changing the uber generic dance music to something a little more, well, good. I totally don't care, but the girl who told me off was the most generic of the generic, blond, blue eyes, pretty, I'll give you that, but pretty boring. I put on Major Lazer which is guaranteed to get the party started but she came and took it off. I left not long after. Also, I was going to chuck a link in here with a picture of a blond girl but without safe search its all just porn. Pretty boring porn too.
The other party was lots of fun too, even though I am not drinking at the moment, I got behind the bar and had a turn. Nyah, my drinks were ok, nothing special. There was SO much booze it was amazing. Like, crazy. I wonder if it lasted all night. I left at about 2ish and got a cab ride home. And it was fucked; here's why.
So I jump in this cab, normal taxi driver, nothing out of the ordinary. Driving from the party to my house though, was quite the experience. We were driving along Punt road and I realised that the cabbie was speeding up then slowing down then speeding up again, not smooth driving at all. He was also drifting lanes a little bit, nothing too scary but enough for me to think "Has this guy actually driven a car before?" We hit Victoria st and that's when things start going a little wack. Firstly, he is having these weird breathing things, like he's struggling for breath, but they all end with a little burp. I'm not stranger to internal combustion, hell, I'm the guy that sounds like he has, and I quote, "Aliens fucking inside me" but this dude appeared to be in some serious trouble. Also, he was braking at what appeared to be random moments and very nearly ran a red light. He then slowed almost to a complete stop and I had to wake him up because he had fallen asleep or passed out, one of the two. I was like "are you ok?" and he mumbled something and said he was fine. I made it home alive and actually ended up tipping the guy. My fare was $21.90 and I gave him $25. What for? Almost killing me? What the hell was I compensating for? Imagine what I would have done had he crashed, probably sucked his dick or something.
Just had to help an UBER cute girl out of a dress that had broken. The only woman I have touched in yonks, and I am freeing her. If I were to see the personification of my life out in the street, as in, if I were to see my life walking around, you know, being a jerk, fucking with me, I would punch him in his stupid face. "Oh yeah, send a beautiful woman into my store will you? Get her stuck in a dress yeah? Make it so awkward that she basically runs out afterwards because she is so embarrassed, taking the chances of me ever seeing her again from slim to none? Take THAT you asshole".
One week without a headache. Now that I have jinxed it I will probably have an aneurysm tonight but it's my own stupid fault for mentioning something good happening to me.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Fuckitty fuck.
So Parklife is sold out and Metric won't be doing a side show. Awesome. Super happy about that one. No Crystal Castles, no Rapture, no other fairly decent bands. This fucking sucks. It was bad enough that I was going to have to shell out 100andsomething bucks but to be denied the opportunity altogether? Fuckers.
On the plus side, I won't have to walk around Birrungmarr with an erection all day because of all the sluttily dressed 20 somethings chewing their faces off. This is not a very nice question, but do you think there are many rapes at these things? The only thing that would have me say 'No' is the fact that most men suffer from whats called 'Eccy dick', a common thing where after taking Ecstasy, your penis shrivels up inside your body, presumably to get away from the sound of your stupid voice as you tell someone you just met all your secrets and they do the same back.
Actually, I don't know why it does it, something to do with how the body reacts to amphetamines perhaps, perhaps your penis knows that after talking to a girl for an hour about your relationship with your mother, you won't be needing said penis anyway. That is, unless you need it to piss with.
Where the fuck am I going with this?
Oh, just found this website about car crashes. To quote SBS, the world is an amazing place. Which was designed by JG Ballard apparently. If you have not read 'Crash', go do it. I didn't understand or think I was even close to getting this book until I was about a third of the way through. Then when I did get it I was blown the fuck away. A stunning novel that helps you to understand the bizarre.
I'm reading Ludmilas Broken English. It is god awful. Don't bother. This is a boring novel and the language that DB Pierre uses is just annoying.
Been listening to Major Lazer. Its awesome. Killer bee as Kinky Friedman would describe it if he were doing my blog and liked Major Lazer as much as I do. I somehow doubt it, considering he is a Jewish cowboy.
In other awesome news it seems that Lady Ga Ga has a penis. I do not know what makes this awesome news, but I have been laughing hysterically. I am totally obsessed with this news story, I don't know why. I have been watching the above video over and over again and I just caught myself telling youtube "More of your penis" so perhaps I'd better lay off Lady Ga Ga's cock. I never found her attractive before, I always thought that she's be one of those awful sluts that is sticky to the touch, much like that Agulira creature. But now that I discover she might have a little something extra, well, I don't know how I feel. Yeah, it's weird. I know.
So I got abused by one some wasted Aboriginal woman on the way to work this morning. No biggie, I don't particularly care, its not as though she has a better life than me, what am I, jealous? It's cool, you can keep your diabetes and domestic violence. I was going to tell her to shut the fuck up, but from the look of her two black eyes, someone had told her twice already. She was like one of those ghosts in Mario Bros, the ones where if you look at them they stop, but as soon as you turn your back they start again. Very annoying but also kind of amusing. I mean, what did she think, that I would not realise it was her? Here's where I'd usually say, "What is she, fucking retarded?" but the answer is obviously, yes, a little bit. Sure I'm cruel and cold and with out compassion and probably a little bit racist, but I was not out there, drunk off Champagne at 10:45 in the morning getting all up in a strangers face for no reason. If ever I am, feel free to judge me. I'd deserve it.
It's funny you know, I oscillate between feeling incredibly sad for these people and feeling nothing at all. After being begged at or abused for 2 years, its hard to find sympathy, you know? It would be like if you heard that I'd been hit by a car. You'd say something like 'Yeah its a shame, but its nice to be rid of that angry little man, hating on everything all the time.'
I was going to finish this blog here but I had to run out and get some cash from the ATM. Which was lucky in a way because on the way I saw three police cars attending what looks like some sort of brawl amongst the Aborigines, there was a guy lying on the ground, two guys up against a wall with their hands on their heads and women screaming. I could hear an ambulance coming up the street. All in all, a regular day in Collinghood, but it just goes to show, they bring it on themselves.
On the plus side, I won't have to walk around Birrungmarr with an erection all day because of all the sluttily dressed 20 somethings chewing their faces off. This is not a very nice question, but do you think there are many rapes at these things? The only thing that would have me say 'No' is the fact that most men suffer from whats called 'Eccy dick', a common thing where after taking Ecstasy, your penis shrivels up inside your body, presumably to get away from the sound of your stupid voice as you tell someone you just met all your secrets and they do the same back.
Actually, I don't know why it does it, something to do with how the body reacts to amphetamines perhaps, perhaps your penis knows that after talking to a girl for an hour about your relationship with your mother, you won't be needing said penis anyway. That is, unless you need it to piss with.
Where the fuck am I going with this?
Oh, just found this website about car crashes. To quote SBS, the world is an amazing place. Which was designed by JG Ballard apparently. If you have not read 'Crash', go do it. I didn't understand or think I was even close to getting this book until I was about a third of the way through. Then when I did get it I was blown the fuck away. A stunning novel that helps you to understand the bizarre.
I'm reading Ludmilas Broken English. It is god awful. Don't bother. This is a boring novel and the language that DB Pierre uses is just annoying.
Been listening to Major Lazer. Its awesome. Killer bee as Kinky Friedman would describe it if he were doing my blog and liked Major Lazer as much as I do. I somehow doubt it, considering he is a Jewish cowboy.
In other awesome news it seems that Lady Ga Ga has a penis. I do not know what makes this awesome news, but I have been laughing hysterically. I am totally obsessed with this news story, I don't know why. I have been watching the above video over and over again and I just caught myself telling youtube "More of your penis" so perhaps I'd better lay off Lady Ga Ga's cock. I never found her attractive before, I always thought that she's be one of those awful sluts that is sticky to the touch, much like that Agulira creature. But now that I discover she might have a little something extra, well, I don't know how I feel. Yeah, it's weird. I know.
So I got abused by one some wasted Aboriginal woman on the way to work this morning. No biggie, I don't particularly care, its not as though she has a better life than me, what am I, jealous? It's cool, you can keep your diabetes and domestic violence. I was going to tell her to shut the fuck up, but from the look of her two black eyes, someone had told her twice already. She was like one of those ghosts in Mario Bros, the ones where if you look at them they stop, but as soon as you turn your back they start again. Very annoying but also kind of amusing. I mean, what did she think, that I would not realise it was her? Here's where I'd usually say, "What is she, fucking retarded?" but the answer is obviously, yes, a little bit. Sure I'm cruel and cold and with out compassion and probably a little bit racist, but I was not out there, drunk off Champagne at 10:45 in the morning getting all up in a strangers face for no reason. If ever I am, feel free to judge me. I'd deserve it.
It's funny you know, I oscillate between feeling incredibly sad for these people and feeling nothing at all. After being begged at or abused for 2 years, its hard to find sympathy, you know? It would be like if you heard that I'd been hit by a car. You'd say something like 'Yeah its a shame, but its nice to be rid of that angry little man, hating on everything all the time.'
I was going to finish this blog here but I had to run out and get some cash from the ATM. Which was lucky in a way because on the way I saw three police cars attending what looks like some sort of brawl amongst the Aborigines, there was a guy lying on the ground, two guys up against a wall with their hands on their heads and women screaming. I could hear an ambulance coming up the street. All in all, a regular day in Collinghood, but it just goes to show, they bring it on themselves.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
I never thought I'd hang around to reach 50.
How about that, 50 posts. I'm like, a regular internet blogger and shit. I got logs of blogs yo.
And I miss you, like the desserts miss the rain.
Here is the New Music, music by Major Lazer, video by Eric Wareheim from Tim and Eric fame. Here's where I'd have put in a handy link but there is some sort of right violation with youtube. Instead, have a look at the advertisements they made with Zack Galifianakis, who is hilarious.
What is funny these days? Post Modern comedy, is that funny? I'm using this definition of postmodern by the way: A) 'any art that is conscious of the fact that it is, in fact, art;' and B) 'any art that is conscious of the fact that it is, in fact, product'. Thanks to Chuck Klosterman for that definition.
I didn't laugh so much as aww at this. Because its cute is why.
I have some weighty things on my mind at the moment so I apologise if this blog is a little short in both content and quality.
And I miss you, like the desserts miss the rain.
Here is the New Music, music by Major Lazer, video by Eric Wareheim from Tim and Eric fame. Here's where I'd have put in a handy link but there is some sort of right violation with youtube. Instead, have a look at the advertisements they made with Zack Galifianakis, who is hilarious.
What is funny these days? Post Modern comedy, is that funny? I'm using this definition of postmodern by the way: A) 'any art that is conscious of the fact that it is, in fact, art;' and B) 'any art that is conscious of the fact that it is, in fact, product'. Thanks to Chuck Klosterman for that definition.
I didn't laugh so much as aww at this. Because its cute is why.
I have some weighty things on my mind at the moment so I apologise if this blog is a little short in both content and quality.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
I LOLed then FUCK!
If you haven't seen Tourettes Guy then go have a gander. I laughed. I also did my taxes so I'm an all round OK kind of guy I guess.
More Tourettes guy. Quote "I'm going to take a piss and when I come back I'm going to talk about the mighty duck movies".
Nyah, nothing more to say, the moon looks nice tonight, that's it.
More Tourettes guy. Quote "I'm going to take a piss and when I come back I'm going to talk about the mighty duck movies".
Nyah, nothing more to say, the moon looks nice tonight, that's it.
Oh yeah.
I forgot, last night before I went to bed I was squeezing some pimples when I realised that I was hurrying myself up because, and I quote my own internal monologue here, I was "wasting good masturbation time". Yep. I just about sighed myself into unconsciousness.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Mirror Mirror on the Wall
So by now we've all read about that guy that went into a dance class in America and shot a whole bunch of women? Pretty sad really. I don't know why he targeted women most of all, it seems very weak to me. Anyway, so I found a copy of his blog and it was disturbing reading, if only for the reason that it could be said that my blog is very similar in theme and tone. Only, without the women hating, but definitely with the remorse and the loneliness.
Just so we are all on the same page here, I am in no way planning a massacre, but it is interesting to see some of my thoughts echoed by a killer. I also enjoyed some of the comments on the blog, for instance "His like (sic) makes you realize that everyone must reach out to each other and love each other".
No, we don't, but we have to become stronger people if were are going to endure this life alone, and the sad fact is that most of us will. The world is a cold and lonely place and quite often we find ourselves with our backs to the wall and no support of any kind. This is just how things are. To deny it and to hold out hope for some miracle to come down and save us from it all is only going to make the final descent all the more traumatic.
It is totally retarded, but sometimes we have to pick ourselves up and say "OK, I am totally fucked and hate my life and everything in it, but if i take the most extreme options open to me, all I will create is more heart ache and suffering, better to suck it up and deal with it and if necessary, slowly isolate myself from people so they don't even notice when I am gone". Don't be selfish about these things, let people love you if they must, but nothing says you have to return the favour. Sometimes I think that the only thing keeping me here is the fact that I would disappoint so many people, ain't that selfless of me?
Where did it go so wrong? When did it become OK to isolate yourself completely from the world? How did it become so easy to be so removed? What do we expect to gain, if anything? As much fun as it is to sit out side of everything and look in, I can only wonder, where will we go from here? It is a very difficult thing to admit to, being lonely, but its even harder to do something about it. Friends and relationships are not like razor blades. You can not just go out and buy them.
Just so we are all on the same page here, I am in no way planning a massacre, but it is interesting to see some of my thoughts echoed by a killer. I also enjoyed some of the comments on the blog, for instance "His like (sic) makes you realize that everyone must reach out to each other and love each other".
No, we don't, but we have to become stronger people if were are going to endure this life alone, and the sad fact is that most of us will. The world is a cold and lonely place and quite often we find ourselves with our backs to the wall and no support of any kind. This is just how things are. To deny it and to hold out hope for some miracle to come down and save us from it all is only going to make the final descent all the more traumatic.
It is totally retarded, but sometimes we have to pick ourselves up and say "OK, I am totally fucked and hate my life and everything in it, but if i take the most extreme options open to me, all I will create is more heart ache and suffering, better to suck it up and deal with it and if necessary, slowly isolate myself from people so they don't even notice when I am gone". Don't be selfish about these things, let people love you if they must, but nothing says you have to return the favour. Sometimes I think that the only thing keeping me here is the fact that I would disappoint so many people, ain't that selfless of me?
Where did it go so wrong? When did it become OK to isolate yourself completely from the world? How did it become so easy to be so removed? What do we expect to gain, if anything? As much fun as it is to sit out side of everything and look in, I can only wonder, where will we go from here? It is a very difficult thing to admit to, being lonely, but its even harder to do something about it. Friends and relationships are not like razor blades. You can not just go out and buy them.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Say the whole thing tweece.
Alright, just briefly, what a fucking day. So I've had this run of weird luck (luck?) where I meet these really young girls and they come in and idolise me for some reason but they're all too young and generally a bit nutty. For instance. I served a girl a few weeks ago and made the mistake of telling her she had cool shoes (silly me for complementing someone) and that now means that she comes in and sees me one a week, for anywhere up to 4 hours. Don't get me wrong, avoiding work because I'm flirting with an 18yr old is right up there with the best of things to do, but not when they're socially awkward and not very comfortable with themselves. It can make things very difficult. They oscillate between talking about sex to talking about fights with their dads to things that happened in school. And they make most of it up. I've been in customer service for many years now and I gotta say, I reckon that I can read people pretty well. I'm not saying that I'm a genius at NLP or anything like that, but I reckon I can pick when someone is lying to me.
Oh it's weird. Why are they trying to impress me so much? And if they are trying to impress me, why are they doing it like this? What can I offer them? And this is where I sound like a total wanker but I know I'm handsome, I know I'm funny and charming, but only to 18yr old girls with father issues? Really? Do I have something of the 'protector' about me? Do I look like I'm in the money? Am I just nicer than most people?
As much as I'd like to be all "Yeah, its because I'm so manly and suave that they just can't resist" but I'm not so sure anymore. I really have no idea why they flock to me. And they're too young as well, half my age plus seven is 21 and they are all under 21.
Am I actually complaining about this? Is this real? Wtf?
Oh it's weird.
Oh it's weird. Why are they trying to impress me so much? And if they are trying to impress me, why are they doing it like this? What can I offer them? And this is where I sound like a total wanker but I know I'm handsome, I know I'm funny and charming, but only to 18yr old girls with father issues? Really? Do I have something of the 'protector' about me? Do I look like I'm in the money? Am I just nicer than most people?
As much as I'd like to be all "Yeah, its because I'm so manly and suave that they just can't resist" but I'm not so sure anymore. I really have no idea why they flock to me. And they're too young as well, half my age plus seven is 21 and they are all under 21.
Am I actually complaining about this? Is this real? Wtf?
Oh it's weird.
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