Once and future king.

This week I have had two firsts. I used aftershave lotion for the first time this morning and I bought my first porn film this week. Sure, the porn was a pirate copy and the aftershave lotion was in a 2 dollar bin at my local Priceline, so you know, now I fucking want to kill myself. The amount of pathetic in my life is nearly equal to the amount of suck. No, suck seems to be winning. Great. Somebody had to take the lead I suppose.

So I'm going to talk about this porno. I've watched a few porn films in my life, not as many as you'd expect, maybe about 4? This one was called "Greedy Asses". It was not what I expected. So much violence directed towards the women. Choking, strangling, your basic dehumanisation. Call me crazy call me a pervert but I just can't get down like that. In one of the scenes one of the girls actually looks afraid, and that's before they start slapping her.

If I could just quote a line from the review, "I enjoyed the level-on community that was felt in this scene". Yeah, I really like the way they violently sodomised the young girl and how it was obvious that although she was there she was totally not into it and there was a feeling that if the cameras weren't there then it would have just been out and out rape. It seems to me that the film makers have worked out that if you only tell a girl half of whats going to happen, that way she doesn't have to act surprised when something awful happens to her. That way, the shock and pain on her face are genuine.

I know I know, you don't have to watch hardcore porn if you don't want to, there is no one forcing you. This is not my issue. I think pornography is a great thing but like all great things it can be abused. My issue is, and I've said it before, my issue is with how common place the violence is. In today's world, we learn a lot about sex from porn, don't say it isn't true or you'll be labeled a dickhead. What worries me is that people are learning the wrong things.

Aw fuck it. I don't really even care, I just thought maybe you might. I started this with an idea that I was going to be hilariously ironic and self deprecating but all I am realising is that I repeat myself over and over and what I originally said was not worth hearing in the first place. I was going to be all "Hey, isn't it hilarious how pathetic I am? Who else do you know that can spill such awkward truths?" The answer is, anyone with enough bile in them. It does not make me special that I hate myself, it just makes me sad and unapproachable. It's the same thing I found with the drunk Aborigines. What I once found amusing and entertaining I now find sad and indicative of whats wrong with it all.

Without a doubt, the passion has gone out of my life. I am tired and bored with whatever is presented to me. I couldn't care less about what is presented to me. I don't give a shit or a fuck and it's starting to show. There was a time recently where I would have bothered finishing this sent