After I walked past the gaggle of cute 16 year olds I thought “thank god I don’t have to serve them today, I just don’t have it in me”. Then later they walked into my shop and I didn’t so much as thank god but curse that mother-fucker out.
Hey hippies, yeah, you, hippie girl with that awful haircut, you know, the one with the dreads and the undercut with the lines in it, sort of like a mullet gone feral, I understand that you are making a statement, but do you realize that the statement is “I have rats in my vagina”? You don’t have rats you say? Explain the cheese then.
Also, you dancing barefoot after the show, you are the reason I’ll be sending my kids to a private school and making them read books on the corporate world, maybe books by Malcom Gladwell or Jack Welch. They will know the ‘Art of war’ backwards. Sure they’ll be wankers, but they’ll be rich wankers who wash.
Hot girls who drive vans make you wonder if perhaps getting kidnapped might be a little bit worth it. I got room on my body for a cigarette burn or two.
I’m having a mini holiday soon but I’m not telling anyone about it because all I want to do is smoke joints and play video games and I don’t want to be disturbed.
I saw a band last week and I was so high that I can’t really remember them. I’d call it a waste but I know that I had a good time so, call it even?
I went to the Tote on Sunday. It is always good to indulge in a bit of culture tourism. Needles to say I felt a bit out of place.
I had a dream the other night that me and a bunch of actors from action movies were all wearing power armor and getting ready to rescue some politician from some terrorists. I told my friend about it and he called me a child. I told him, “Nah uh, you are” and ran off before he could respond.
Jenny Craig (the weight loss program) is owned by Nestle (the people who make chocolate and whose negligence results in mass infanticide in third world countries). I swear you couldn’t make this shit up. David Letterman said it best last night when he said that while we (first world countries) have entire channels devoted to food, 24/7, children in other poorer countries (ie the rest of the world) are often forced to eat dirt or newspaper to sate the gnawing in their bellies. Think about that next time you can’t decide between Mcdonalds or KFC.
I just had a customer tell me that sodomy should be illegal. Someone’s girlfriend has issues in that department I’ll bet. Has anyone ever heard of the Church of Euthanasia? I like them. A lot.
Has anyone ever reused a condom? If so, can you tell me about it? I’d be interested to hear and also I have a rash that needs explaining. No I don’t, I’m so sexless at the moment I’m basically a virgin. I’ll keep talking about it though, I hear that’s what entices the ladies these days, that magic acronym, self-pity, apathy, desperation AKA S.A.D. And being broke, I heard that works too.
At least I have a sense of humor, I mean, I just made that shit up. If anyone ever needs a comedy writer that specializes in self-deprecating humor, call me, just incase you happen to be writing a show with a lead character that hates himself. I got that shit down pat yo.
So I’ve been watching this show called The Wire, I forget who I’ve talked about it with so lets pretend this is the first time we’ve had this conversation. Anyway, it’s all about drug dealers and cops. My language is suffering terribly. I now sound like a cross between a valley girl and a corner boy. I don’t know whether to sling rocks or gossip about Paris Hilton. Bitch be givin’ it away like they was tatter tots at lunchroom yo, word negro, she be vile and shit.
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