The Walk.

So I'm in the middle of a headache cycle, sucks pretty hard, I'm on about 4 hrs sleep if I'm lucky and those are spent sitting up. My head is killing me. These clockwork headaches though, they certainly come like clockwork. 11pm on the dot then 3.30am. Its actually kind of amusing. In that 'this is so funny I wish I were dead' way. So anyway, last night at about 10:50 I felt one coming on and I had run out of Caffergot and Coke so there was nothing that I could do. I was going to sit on the couch like a little bitch but I was like "Fuck it, I'm going to go for a walk" so I put some clothes on and went.

It was cold and raining and I could only see out of one eye. Occasionally the wind would blow straight up my nose and my whole face would distort. I hunkered down in my jacket and as soon as my foot hit the pavement I was off, I don't think the pace of my step changed once. I was like a walking machine. Left foot right foot repeat. The wind was beating down and the rain was coming in at an angle. I felt like an Arctic adventurer out battling the wild. Like maybe I was not going to be back for some time. I was alone and cold and wet and it was beginning to feel amazing. I was going to just walk and see where it found me or until the headache let up, whichever came first. I decided that while I was out I may as well get some coke so I pointed myself in the direction of the servo and let my legs do the talking.

Its funny you know, I hardly remember the walk at all other than thinking "this fresh air sure is doing me good" and seeing the lights from the servo from a block away. I always worry that I'll try and throw myself off the bridge but i didn't even know that I was on it until I'd crossed it. By the end of it, i was soaked and breathing like a stream train. The icy rain on my head felt amazing and I knew that at the end of my walk there would be coke, ice cold coke, so things could only get better. It was weird, you know, I sort of entered this trance like state where all I could think was "coke, soon, coke, soon" and it was keeping in rhythm with my footsteps. Coke, soon, coke, soon. I could see the servo, the lights and then I could see the coke fridge and I swear I almost broke out in a run. The pain in my head was climaxing and i could feel my body oscillating from hot to cold and back again, I could only see out of one eye and that was so squinted I must have looked like I was walking with my eyes closed. The closer i go the more the light hurt my eyes and the nearer i got to deciding that i wouldn't actually be able to venture inside the servo anyway because of all the fluro. Grinning manically and shivering to the beat of some unheard jungle drums, I entered the servo...

And felt my headache lift as I pulled two bottles of coke from the fridge. I payed the man and left, i think i may have even whistled on the way home. It was pretty amazing, it actually felt like something gave way in my head. My walk was nothing if not climactic. It did not last for long, unfortunately, but if i have another headache tonight, I'm going for a jog. I mean, why the fuck not right?

So i don't know why i told that story, i think I just wanted to capture that feeling of me being so close to the edge but seeing an end in sight, you know? I swear I almost heard song birds when I strode through that door.