Omaha

Here come
Omaha,
Hot now
I got,
Hot hair hot eyes, high tits hot mouth.
Misheard lyrics from the song Omaha by Tapes n Tapes.

To use a time worn cliché' this girls skin is like milk. Spun silk, a spiders web, a gossamer thread. Her hands are chapped and rough in her eyes is an innocence that only exists for a short time before the fires of life burn it out. I know, because I've seen it before.

She tells me that she hates when people look at her 'like that', which I find strange, because she is so outrageously beautiful that she must get it all the time. I honestly don't see how men would look at her any other way and I don't know how she doesn't see me looking at her like that. I swear, if my eyes had teeth they jump right out of my head and devour her.

Is it the essence of youth that I find so appealing, is it the unblemished skin or that churlish giggle that makes me wonder what her mouth would taste like, is it the way that she holds the hot water bottles I make her, is it because I have not lived with a women for so long that I forgot how the bathroom smells after they have showered, the heady smell of steam and shampoo. Is it all of those things and plus lust as well.

We seem to be playing that game where she says that she is fat and that she used to be perfect and then I take my cue and tell here that she is not fat and that as of now she is as perfect as she could get. She does not understand that some people would kill for those long limber limbs, that her body is the envy of almost every woman on the street, that older men see her and sigh and remember what is used to be like when they were young and that in fact girls like her are the very thing that they miss the most.

She makes me nostalgic for times that I never even had, makes me wish that I had more experiences when I was a teenager, makes me hungry in ways that can not be described but only felt. She makes me feel like I remember my time as a teenager with unblemished psyche and shoulders free of responsibilities.

She tells me that she is cold at night and I can only bite my lip and try not to mention that I could warm her, I long to suggest that she crawl with me into my bed because what if she accepts, what would I do then? Beside then have to spend the night desperately resisting the urge to fuck her. And I don't think that I could hold out that long.

I imagine her biting her lip as her pubic hair rubs against my chin, I wonder what it would be like to have her lay her hand gently on my head and then pull my hair as she climaxes. I wonder if I deserve it or whether she is a young mans game and I would be taking advantage of her trust and naivety. The thought crosses my mind that I may be holding myself back for no reason other than so I can say 'Look at how in control and mature I am', which is exactly the same thing that I'd say if I let myself go.

Let me admit that I want to fuck her more than anything in the world. I did not think it possible and the more that I realize that I probably never will the more it burns. See what I did there, used the word 'probably', I think its probably a form of denial. We were talking earlier and she flinched at the word 'vagina' and said 'ew' when we said anus. I wonder what she'd do if I told her that I wanted to taste both of those parts of her.
I have never met anyone so straight that I have wanted to bend so badly. Bend her morals, bend her will, bend her over.
I am being vulgar and I need not be. I could talk about her skin, how its white and smooth like cream. About how when she blushes the contrast between the pink and the pale makes me think of what she'd look like flushed with excitement, short of breath and pupils dilated, the tip of her index finger resting on her lips, eyes screwed tight and fluttering.
Goddamn it, I'm doing it again. I turn into a wolf when I am around her and see her only as my prey. My teeth grow long and my pelt grows grey. I stalk the ground around her looking for any sign of weakness, an opening in which I can insert my snout, any hole in the fence or gap in the wall in which I can drag her through, leaving behind only feathers and traces of blood.
Everyone says that I should get her drunk but I wonder if that will even work, she's almost straight edge. What if I awaken a beast within her that ravages menfolk for miles around, would I be proud, ashamed or indifferent? Would I be happy knowing that she could use her powers of sex over men, would I cringe in the night worrying that she would be out there somewhere being penetrated by some undeserving hipster, scared that her scary unbalanced sex worker friends might turn her out as it were. I imagine her in a club turning around and some guy asking her to bend over so that he can look at her asshole.

I am crazy and without boundaries and without reason, there is no limit to the depths in which my mind will sink and with it no limit to the discomfort it causes me. I once said that no girl really has a good losing her virginity story and I want to be her terrible story that she tells. The only thing I'll fuck is myself and the only thing I'll ravage is my sanity.