Things that I find handy being a man

Do you know how many people ask me to tie ties for them? I mean, I guess I do work in a clothes shop so it's understandable, but still. I thought that I was surrounded by gentlemen, but possibly that's just when I'm in a gentleman's club. Ahem. So go here to learn how to tie a tie.

People often ask me, they're like, "Where can I go to hear a song that describes your life perfectly?" and I tell them "Click on this link and you'll know what its like to be me" which can make for awkward conversation when you're doing it face to face not via the Internet.

So I think I'm being stalked. Just a bit. I just closed the shop to go and snap one off (means I had a poo) and there was this girl waiting for me out the front. Not waiting for the store to open, waiting for ME. Usually, I'd feel flattered and stuff but she was in last week and I tells you, she ain't right. I just googled anti stalking guide and came up with some good information packs, but I think I'll have to wait until she comes in again before I make a judgement call. She wanted to know my Facebook name but I was all like "No way". I don't need that shit yo. Not today anyway. Poor girl, she obviously has some sort of crush on me. She came in just to see me. Is that weird? Still in high school by the way.

On further reading of the anti stalker tips I have decided that they aren't in fact all that good and probably just promote paranoia. Which people who are being stalked don't like, or so I hear. One of my ex housemates claimed that she was being stalked, but I think she was being hunted. You would only follow someone like that around if you knew that at the end, they were going to die. Hell, I even considered it. Most annoying person ever but moving on.

One of the stalker tips was "If you have a "gut feeling" that something isn't right, don't second guess the feeling - go with it". I am applying that technique to the 'fried' chicken I just bought. There is no way known that I am having something that smells that bad in my gut. I would rather felate a dead dog. But I am very very hungry so, perhaps, poochie get ready.

Saw Bruno. I liked it. It was offensive so, you know, right up my alley.

You know, I think I may have run out of things already. I was going to put new and interesting things that I had found on the Internet on my blog but I'm already running low.

In the end, I ate the chicken. No I know how some women must feel when they finally roll over and give in to some creeps carnal desires. Sick in the stomach and violated but with the knowledge that they did it to themselves. You could have fought him off but no, you put him in your mouth. Oh, it was foul.

Shittest blog ever by the way.