I have no home but I must blog.

Alright, this is totally fucked up right here. I am now officially homeless. I am staying at my cousins house for a bit (bless her) and I have had heaps of offers for places to stay, but no where to call my own. Yeah, pretty wacky. And it has absolutely nothing to do with money which is making it feel even weirder. I'be been to heaps of house interviews and nothing. I'm begining to suspect that people just don't like me. Which is fair enough. Being homeless is just keeping it interesting for me, you know how I roll, bit of excitement here, a bit there, never lie down on the job, you know, all that guff.

But seriously, this is totally fucked up. It hit me this morning as I was opening up my store thinking, "I could sleep here". It wasn't a pleasant realisation. But I'm tough, I'm strong, I'm a killer with a baby's face, I'll find something. Right?

Anyway, so I'm staying with my cousin but I have a slight problem. I don't want to intrude on their way of life at all, if I could lurk in the rafters I would, swoop down later to clean and pack them lunches for the next day. So this problem I have, its not serious, in fact, its kinda funny, but its very very invasive. Its my feet and they stink. And I am serious, they fucking stink. They mother-fucking-cock-sucking stink. In my mind, when i refer to them i call them my shit-heels. They turn my socks funny colours. And not funny "ha ha hilarious" but "I've never seen that colour outside of a bruise" funny. It is hard to describe the smell exactly, picture, I don't know, an animal that is made out of feces and blue cheese that dies and starts to decompose. That's what my feet smell like. They are rank beyond belief. I have wondered how carrion eaters poo smells and I'm fairly certain it would smell similar to my feet.

I imagine that this is what hyenas shit smells like. And I'm not even close to kidding. I've lost erections over the smell of my own feet.

So no home and shit-heeled. Great. I'm going to start a blues band. We're going to be called 'The shit-heeled homeless fuckheads'. I'd ask you if you wanted to join but trust me, you want none of this.

The end.