From: sumadi wayan
Subject: Emergency
To: su_birdwalk@yahoo.com
Received: Tuesday, 1 November, 2011, 4:33 PM
Hope you get this on time, sorry I didn't inform you about my trip in Spain for a Program, I'm presently in Madrid and am having some difficulties here because i misplaced my wallet on my way to the hotel where my money and other valuable things were kept. presently i have limited access to internet, I will like you to assist me with a loan of 2,950 Euros to sort-out my hotel bills and to get myself back home.
I have spoken to the embassy here but they are not responding to the matter effectively, I will appreciate whatever you can afford to assist me with, I'll Refund the money back to you as soon as I return, let me know if you can be of any help. I don't have a phone where I can be reached. Please let me know immediately.
Regards
sumadi wayan
So I responded like this:
Hey Sumadi, I'm so glad you wrote, I had no other way to contact you but now I have your email address! So anyway, its a good thing you wrote when you did because I needed to talk to you about some things. So after you left on your mysterious trip to spain (i know, you're buying sperm so you can impregnate yourself, its ok, i told your parents and they agreed it was the best thing to do as you have had difficulty finding a man to remain faithful to you), anyway, after you left some things happened that you really should know about. Where to start.
Well, the police raided your home and found your frankly astonishing collection of home made child pornography. For some reason you decided to keep it together with loaded pistol and about 6ft of surgical rubber. I don't know what the mask was for and frankly, I don't care. And all that cocaine! You must have been stealing from your company for years! And I did not realise that you had a room in your house that only had butt plugs in it, arranged smallest to largest. How long have you been collecting them? Even the federal police were surprised, and those guys have seen EVERYTHING! And those videos of you being fisted that were on repeat, no wonder your dog is scared of you. Hell, even I'm a little afraid now. Do you shit or does it just fall out of your body like when you have a mouth full of food and lean over and and it just tumbles out? Purely for scientific reasons, I would be interested to know.
So send me some photos of your cunt like you promised. Get some fingers in there you dirty bitch.
When no response was forthcoming I wrote another letter.
Sumadi, I'm sorry if my last letter was a little off colour, I think it's kind of obvious that you have forgotten how we parted ways, so let me refresh your memory.
Your pimp beat me real bad Sumadi, real bad. I spent a week in hospital and my eye is only just getting better. And I don't know why Sumadi, I don't know why. I paid you to let me tear that ass up, and I did, I paid you well, I told you what was going to happen and you were fine with and so I did it girl, I tore yo ass up like it ain't been tore before. You remember girl, how there was shit blood and cum everywhere and you were laying there panting and you said that if I gave you a thousand dollars you would let me shit in your mouth and I did, well, I felt something then, something I've never felt for someone before, and when you went and told your pimp that I had abused you, well, it broke my heart, just like they broke my face.
I loved you Sumadi, and I don't care that you are a crippled transsexual dwarf with an eating disorder and are the victim of a dermatological holocaust, I don't care that you're incontinent and narcoleptic at the same time, I don't care that one time you broke into a rehabilitation center and forced an Iraq war veteran to stump fuck you.
Sumadi, I'm upset because you let mum beat me up like that. I mean, we're brother and sister, couldn't we just have fucked it out?
You broke my heart, Sumadi, I loved you and you broke my heart.
So far I have had no response but still I wait. If you would like to send a really dirty email to su_birdwalk@yahoo.com you just go right ahead, but please send me a copy.
