Wednesday, April 15, 2009

a few things from a while ago

A friend of mine told me today that a man jumped from to his death from a roof opposite his office. My friend said that the mans head separated from his body and that his brains had spilled out. My friend said that the sound was the worst thing. I wanted him to describe it but he didn't. I wanted to ask him if it were wet or not, or maybe if it were a solid sound. He said that the man was silent the whole way down, that he didn't scream or yell, that the only indication they had was when someone saw him plummet past the window.
I wished that I were there to see it.

Recently I slept with a girl a few times. I kind of liked her but I knew from the start that she was gay, she told me that she had recently come from a relationship where she'd been living with another woman and it had left her a little emotionally scarred. I'm the kind of guy that will get his hopes up over nothing so of course i got my hopes up, no matter how fleeting the moment. I had all those little fantasies that you have, where I'd sweep her off her feet with my suave heterosexuality, she'd choose me as a man over women. I was reading the local lesbian magazine the other day and in it was a photo of her.
She looked beautiful and i wished that it were me in the photo, and not some other woman.

I had an 18 year old girl tell me that she was both a vaginal and anal virgin, that her ex-girlfriend had been a bit of a dom and that she had broken up with her because if she had remained with her she would have not remained a virgin much longer. I instantly see this as a challenge and pre-pair to plot her downfall. She shakes when she is around me and it is blatantly obvious that i make her nervous, but she volunteers this information anyway, and lets me in on this private, sexual information. I feel like a predator around her, like a wolf or a shark, circling. My teeth grow longer and this is the only time that i truly feel like I am a dangerous person.
I wish there were something else that made me feel this good.