Observations for today.

You can just wear the hat, its ok, you don’t have to walk around with both hands in the air holding it above your head.

Sure I’m friendly and a little bit intimidating.

Hey dude, stop tugging your t-shirt like that, it only draws attention to the fact that you’ve either pissed yourself or are trying to conceal an erection.

Complaining about the tram won’t make it come any quicker but it will make me totally uninterested in anything you have to say. Also, I’m wearing ear plugs for a reason and the reason is so people don’t talk to me.

I sure could use a piece of ass. I’m just saying.

Hip hop that talks relentlessly about pussy is much like that really camp kid in high school that always talked about his interstate girlfriend but choked on the word vagina.

Unintentional irony is the new black because it matches so well with the embarrassment that comes with it. See above.

Making sexist jokes to feminists who just got back from a union rally is a risky business that should not be undertaken lightly.

Imagining this-particular-girl getting double-teamed is, well, kinda boring.

No shoes no shirt no service.

What I first thought was a running midget turned out to be a woman in a wheel chair. Better/worse?

Go and get me a slurpee.

Saskia’s never coming back and I should have asked her out when I had the chance. She was a sound artist for gods sake. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I sure loved that show, Dead Set, last night, so much so that I dreamed about zombies.

Should have gone to bed earlier though. 2am is not acceptable on a school night.

Must remember to buy pasta on the way home.

I think my drug dealer tried to call me at 8am. What could he have possibly had to say other that “I’ve been awake all night, have you?”

I still don’t understand religious fervor. How can a person believe in a god in this obviously godless world?

Not to get all Jeremy Clarkson on you, but why can’t Ford make a pretty car anymore? I just walked past a GT 500 and it looks like someone tried to make a brick more aero dynamic by dropping it a few times to take any corners off.

I also just walked past Australia’s own Chopper Read, who, without ears, also looks like a brick. I often wonder how his hearing is, but I dare you to ask him.

I just coughed/choked on a sushi roll and now I have what feels like a grain of rice lodged up in my nose somewhere. Should make for an interesting afternoon.

Hang on, isn’t this what twitter is for?

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, people eating in their cars weirds me out. There is something strangely intimate yet public about it. Is this the foodies version of dogging?

There is a window cleaner that walks around talking to himself. He swears a lot. I wonder how business is going?

There is also a group of African men who walk around with bins picking up rubbish. It feels like I’m in South Africa. I would be more comfortable if they were white because then it wouldn’t feel like it’s subtly reinforcing the latent undercurrent of racism that Australia has.

So, leggings in summer = sweaty vaginal patches. Did you not see that one coming?

That girl who is a receptionist in the florist has a great set of tits. Just saying.

I saw a really fat Asian girl this morning and her obesity made her face look TINY. Like it was a joke or something. You could have fit two of her faces on her head, and that would have been awesome!

Recently I have been greeting people with the peace sign. I don’t know where it started and to be honest I’m kind of embarrassed about it. I don’t even know how to defend it, ‘it’s just me, throwin’ up the dove’. Hey look, I just coined a phrase. Shit.

If I met a girl who, for some unfathomable but probably father-related-issue reason liked to be treated really badly, how would it reflect if I changed my behavior to suit her preferences? For instance, just being out and out mean to her, but all in the spirit of trying to sleep with her.

What's the time Mr Wolf?