Shitty day.

Today I am fucking tired and over it all. I feel like writing huge slabs of self obsessed pity me text, only i couldn't be bothered even with that. Today I am totally pissed off and completely frustrated. All I want is to eat and fuck and sleep and not actually have to talk to anyone while all of this is going on. All i do is serve attractive women with great bodies and its killing me. Right now i have two girls who could be twins in my store in increasing states of undress, they walk from change room to change room as freely as they would from their bathroom to bedroom. I am so goddamn happy i could kill myself. Ha ha, just kidding. I am much more the sort of person that will internalise all of his issues and then get a very sudden and extremely aggressive form of cancer that i will not even bother to fight so within a year it won't matter anyway.

Whew, awesome, I am so totally motivated to write something incredible, but this is not it. I have been trying to write a rape story for about 3 weeks now and, much like everything else, its killing me. I have the set up, i have the characters, but writing the act, wow, its not easy. I thought i had a really good reason for doing this but now it just seems trivial. I thought perhaps that i might get to really push myself into thinking or feeling in a certain way and that in turn would allow me to let some things go but all i'm finding is that i grit my teeth all the time and I now walk with clenched fists. Maybe i need to get into a fight.

I've been watching a lot of C.O.P.S. Meaning I've been watching a lot of white men brutalise a lot of black men. I am unsure how i feel about this. Sometimes its funny in a 'aw that crack-head is pathetic' kind of way but mostly its black men running from white men intent on brutalising them. It has its advantages ie i can run through the whole gamut of human emotions in half an hour but it has its disadvantages ie it makes me want go to America, get a gun, walk into a mall and start blasting. Ha ha, just kidding, I am much more the sort of person that goes on a 'ghetto tour' and has the pleasure of watching whichever particular female friend he is with at that moment get raped at gun point.

Oh for fucks sake.