Fuckitty fuck.

So Parklife is sold out and Metric won't be doing a side show. Awesome. Super happy about that one. No Crystal Castles, no Rapture, no other fairly decent bands. This fucking sucks. It was bad enough that I was going to have to shell out 100andsomething bucks but to be denied the opportunity altogether? Fuckers.

On the plus side, I won't have to walk around Birrungmarr with an erection all day because of all the sluttily dressed 20 somethings chewing their faces off. This is not a very nice question, but do you think there are many rapes at these things? The only thing that would have me say 'No' is the fact that most men suffer from whats called 'Eccy dick', a common thing where after taking Ecstasy, your penis shrivels up inside your body, presumably to get away from the sound of your stupid voice as you tell someone you just met all your secrets and they do the same back.

Actually, I don't know why it does it, something to do with how the body reacts to amphetamines perhaps, perhaps your penis knows that after talking to a girl for an hour about your relationship with your mother, you won't be needing said penis anyway. That is, unless you need it to piss with.

Where the fuck am I going with this?

Oh, just found this website about car crashes. To quote SBS, the world is an amazing place. Which was designed by JG Ballard apparently. If you have not read 'Crash', go do it. I didn't understand or think I was even close to getting this book until I was about a third of the way through. Then when I did get it I was blown the fuck away. A stunning novel that helps you to understand the bizarre.

I'm reading Ludmilas Broken English. It is god awful. Don't bother. This is a boring novel and the language that DB Pierre uses is just annoying.

Been listening to Major Lazer. Its awesome. Killer bee as Kinky Friedman would describe it if he were doing my blog and liked Major Lazer as much as I do. I somehow doubt it, considering he is a Jewish cowboy.

In other awesome news it seems that Lady Ga Ga has a penis. I do not know what makes this awesome news, but I have been laughing hysterically. I am totally obsessed with this news story, I don't know why. I have been watching the above video over and over again and I just caught myself telling youtube "More of your penis" so perhaps I'd better lay off Lady Ga Ga's cock. I never found her attractive before, I always thought that she's be one of those awful sluts that is sticky to the touch, much like that Agulira creature. But now that I discover she might have a little something extra, well, I don't know how I feel. Yeah, it's weird. I know.

So I got abused by one some wasted Aboriginal woman on the way to work this morning. No biggie, I don't particularly care, its not as though she has a better life than me, what am I, jealous? It's cool, you can keep your diabetes and domestic violence. I was going to tell her to shut the fuck up, but from the look of her two black eyes, someone had told her twice already. She was like one of those ghosts in Mario Bros, the ones where if you look at them they stop, but as soon as you turn your back they start again. Very annoying but also kind of amusing. I mean, what did she think, that I would not realise it was her? Here's where I'd usually say, "What is she, fucking retarded?" but the answer is obviously, yes, a little bit. Sure I'm cruel and cold and with out compassion and probably a little bit racist, but I was not out there, drunk off Champagne at 10:45 in the morning getting all up in a strangers face for no reason. If ever I am, feel free to judge me. I'd deserve it.

It's funny you know, I oscillate between feeling incredibly sad for these people and feeling nothing at all. After being begged at or abused for 2 years, its hard to find sympathy, you know? It would be like if you heard that I'd been hit by a car. You'd say something like 'Yeah its a shame, but its nice to be rid of that angry little man, hating on everything all the time.'

I was going to finish this blog here but I had to run out and get some cash from the ATM. Which was lucky in a way because on the way I saw three police cars attending what looks like some sort of brawl amongst the Aborigines, there was a guy lying on the ground, two guys up against a wall with their hands on their heads and women screaming. I could hear an ambulance coming up the street. All in all, a regular day in Collinghood, but it just goes to show, they bring it on themselves.